Febulicious month

February has been a Febulicious month for this hen. I’m writing again!

I have been through a very dark and murky tunnel and I found out that I couldn’t write about those tough times. I look back at October and I can’t believe I managed that brief offering! I admire people who can share their worst times and some, such as Lisa Donaldson’s inspiring blog ( see link) and the wonderful young Alice Pyne, have been a great support to me.

After October, my writing just stopped and survival kicked in. Maybe, in hindsight, I may be able to write about and use my experience of the last few months in the future , but now it is too raw and I’m just glad it is over. OK no one died and I’m finding ‘me’ again but, I definitely lost a lot of myself during my last sessions of chemo and the radiotherapy follow up.

The funny thing is that I managed to get up, keep active, apply the makeup and look well. I appeared positive but it was a front to fool
even myself because I couldn’t write, dream or think creatively and I knew that I couldn’t. It was all that I could do to get up and show my family that I was well – but I wasn’t. Looking back, I think this might have been a sort of hidden depression rather like post baby blues or a depressive dip caused by the shock of being ill and going through chemotherapy but I don ‘t want to look back or think about it too
much yet. I’m just glad that the fog has started to lift and I am getting some of me back. I’m writing and I’m reading a lot and I am positive most of the time ( late night / early morning doom n gloom thoughts are still around)

That is why February is turning out to be so Febulicious! I have got to the end of invasive treatments, my brain and ideas are emerging from the chemical fog and I’m ready to write and blog and put the past few months behind me.
…..and my hair is growing!

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